Stepping Out of the Buffet Line

There are those rare, yet potent moments in our lives when we realize that something we’re doing is supporting a system that we despise, and so we are responsible to change if we are to constructively speak out against the inherent danger of the system. Or else resign ourselves to hypocrisy with eyes wide open.

I have recently had one of those moments. I have long recognized a system that has bothered and puzzled me and yet have found myself blindly playing within it. The buffet line is the system of male and female interaction that is a product of our Western consumerist culture and the postmodern era. Oh, not to mention human selfishness. The way it works is that men look at all the choices available and try various women on for size, while women compete for their attention and notice. Well-named the buffet line.

What is so sad about this arrangement is that it’s a game that can’t be won. So everyone plays and plays. Men are left disappointed; women are left hurting. And in the body of Christ, it does nothing to stir brotherly and sisterly affection. Rather, it encourages frustration, jealousy, and division. And men and women who would like to marry are left wondering what has gone wrong.

Well, call me naïve, call me idealistic, but I cannot settle for playing with mud pies when I’m offered a holiday at the sea. I have a vision for how beautiful love can be. For a man to choose one woman and pursue her. To lay down his life for her. For her to follow him with abandon. Like Jesus and the church.

And so that means I have to leave the buffet line. I have to sit down and choose the four-course meal. Even if that means that I enjoy it alone, that no one comes with me. It’s worth the risk. And it’s an opportunity for me to trust that my God knows what He’s doing. I don’t have to submit myself to the buffet line or play the game that can’t be won. If He so chooses, He can lead me to a man who knows my name and recognizes me as his choice.

I recognize that no one is perfect and that life is messy. I’m as thankful for grace as anyone. I’m not laying out an accusation toward anyone specifically, because I believe that this problem is bigger than any individual’s contribution. But at the same time, I believe that the system would die if we all stopped supporting it. With this in mind, I’ve made my choice.

What does it look like for me to pull out of the system? To treat my brothers like brothers and sisters like sisters. To love well and purely, rather than selfishly. To lay aside my desires for the good of my brothers and sisters. Hopefully, the very attitude that should mark my life whether or not I ever become a wife.

So feel free to take my spot in the buffet line if you want. Or better yet, come sit down with me for the four-course meal. I've heard steak is the main entree.