Irony is one of my favorite literary devices, probably because it evokes smirks and surprises, both of which I enjoy. Strangely enough, though, irony is an element that one can appreciate much better objectively from a distance rather than finding oneself a victim of it.
Three weekends ago, feeling bogged down by a difficult job and health problems, God put it on my heart to pursue the discipline of gratitude. Little did I know what I was about to experience. The week following this nudge was probably the most challenging week I have had so far at my job, full of conflict and heaviness. Tuesday night I collapsed into my floor, a puddle of tears, and God reminded me of what He had spoken to me the previous weekend. In an attitude of desperation, with an aside of sighs and a furrowed, determined brow, I took an action-oriented approach and drove to the nearest Barnes and Noble and purchased two items - 1000 Gifts and a journal.
Little did I know that the discipline of giving thanks would be the key to my survival. Feeling tired, weak, and overwhelmed, I decided to take time each day to thank God for the gifts He had given me that day. Initially, it was an exercise that my heart was hardly in. I mechanically thanked God for the hard lessons of loving kids that spewed anger, distrust, and hatred toward me. Then, I thanked God for the simple and oftentimes forgotten wonders, like sunsets and dark chocolate. My observations and reasons for thanks multiplied exponentially. Over time, I began to perceive a change - my joy was growing. I saw God's goodness and kindness cover my circumstances.
And then it hit me today, as I am overflowing with gratitude and awe. I am closer to reality than I ever have been, because I see how small I am and how great God is to shape this little life for imparting love in the hard places. It all points back to Jesus.
Allow me to share some of my breakthroughs of gratitude with you:
1. God is being so kind to take me through this season of being unseen. It's a word He spoke to me for this year. He is humbling me low and taking me away from the notice of others. This is stripping me of a lifelong struggle of finding my sense of worth in other's approval.
2. God is teaching me the deepest lessons in the hard, risky places. Every day is a risk, because I have no clue what I will face in the work He has given me. In that, though, I'm experiencing the necessity of walking in full dependence on Jesus' grace and strength. As each day begins, I'm walking in the reality of "if-He-doesn't-show-up-I'm-screwed".
3. God is answering prayers I have been praying for years for my family for them to have open eyes and hearts and see the reality of His love for them.
4. God is teaching me how to take time to rest, also a lesson in humility.
Just scratching the surface, here.
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