This is such a significant week for me. Though the days are long and full of responsibility, the last thing I want to do is to pass over (no pun intended J) this week as if it is nothing out of the ordinary.
I have recently come to understand why I am made to counsel. It’s not just something I enjoy or that fulfills me. I have this deep sense that it’s the design I’ve been given. There is only one other realm upon entering that gives me this same rush of coming home each time I do it—and that is dancing. I say coming home because I’ve had a restless soul much of my life, and while I’ve enjoyed parts of every stage and the people I’ve been blessed to know, this is the first time I have felt at home in my world.
So this past month has been the month of miracles. I have watched the Lord take the impossible and make it possible. I have reached points of discouragement, carried burdens that were too big for me, and cried---and on the other side of these were the miracles. These past two weeks I have just sat back and watched as God has taken hearts and moved them. And given them hope and joy and LOVE. All these things that I hope to give people glimpses of, all the change that I hope to inspire in people’s lives—He makes it happen. I’ve been told that I’m the mediator in the mystery of transformation and nothing more—it’s humbling and awe-inspiring. I am praying that wherever the Lord leads me to work He enables me to be a facilitator of the kind of miracles I’ve been witnessing. All the human wisdom in the world cannot compare to the power of God at work in someone’s life.
I have learned so much about myself in this past month. Not about my intuition, compassion, or zeal…oh no—those are fun to learn about. Rather I’ve learned about my deep struggles. About where I fall so short. I’ve learned about the two qualities that are so blaringly lacking in me, the very ones the Lord desires to cultivate in this stubborn little heart—self-control and patience.
My passion and creativity have a down side--impulsiveness. And I have begun to see the problems it causes in my life. Right now, I can keep the problems to myself. But God keeps reminding me of the generations to come and the big implications that my self-control and patience (or lack thereof) will have on them. {Funny side note: I recently found a Beth Moore Bible Study I did on the fruit of the Spirit—I did nearly all of it; I just happened to miss the one on self-control…haha}. Ok, so back to the generations…I have this picture of myself as an old woman with all these children and grandchildren gathered around me—my legacy. While what I want in a moment may be fun, what effect will it have on them? And not just that, but what effect will my patterns of thinking and acting without purpose and intentionality have on them? Grrr.
So combined with this awareness is the realization that I cannot remedy the problem. While I am responsible for practicing these things, they do not come from me…they can’t come from me and be real. I can wait for something and not have patience. I can look put together on the outside and be so far from self-control. That is where surrender comes in. Only the Holy Spirit can bring these qualities to life in me; my part is getting out of the way and letting Him. This is going to be a lifelong process…but one that is sooooo worth it.
I cannot get enough of this love. That is what is significant to me about this week. This week celebrates the most loving act the world has ever seen. God became human in Jesus and died for a broken, fallen humanity—because He wanted us that much. Our sin separating us from the God who loves us is real—but He made a way to cover that sin. Jesus was the sacrifice. Jesus loved the very people who killed Him. After 3 days, He resurrected from the dead, proving that He is the God who is more powerful than death and giving life to all who believe in Him.
This reality overwhelms me in the best kind of way.
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