Just Breathe

My favorite line from my favorite movie.

Danielle from the movie Ever After has just ascended the stairs dressed in her angelic garb for the costume party, ready to find Prince Henry, the one whom has captured her heart and whom she thought she would never see again. About to enter the soiree of costumed guests, she stops and says to herself: "Just breathe." So light and yet full of meaning. What happens next is a series of circumstances rising to a climax, in which the prince, discovering her true identity as a mere peasant (revealed by her cruel stepmother), dismisses her from his sight and looks at her (the one whom the day before he was spouting sonnets to) as if at a stranger. Humiliated and heartbroken, she flees the party through a torrential downpour of rain, one wing intact and the other torn. She falls headfirst, dripping wet, in front of the door of her house. The heavy downpour of rain matches her tears, as she cries for all that has been stripped from her--her wing and her prince--and with these, any hope for true freedom from the slavery under which she has been living in her stepmother's home.

There is something so tragically beautiful about the rain and her tears. I cry every time I see this scene.

I tell myself to "Just breathe" often. In fact, I am telling it to myself now, little knowing what may come next. On the one hand, I may be on the brink of breakthrough and blessing, as the Lord at times grants us these seasons in his grace. Or I may be on the brink of a climax (who doesn't love a good story in life) with the rain to match my tears. I can tell that the Lord is bringing me to a place of freedom because I feel open to either.

No eye has seen,

No ear has heard,

And no mind has conceived

What God has prepared for those who love him.

1 Corinthians 2:9

I believe this with my whole heart. How can I have made it this far, clinging to the Lord's hand with everything in me, and not believe it? I cashed in all my chips too long ago to remember. If He doesn't show up, I'm screwed.

I have many hopes and dreams. And they have been the food of my mind and heart for so long. Just as he did with Isaac, God has brought them to the chopping block (repeatedly, mind you) and asked me if I love Him enough to place them on the altar and trust Him no matter what. With tears in my eyes, I have said "yes" a hundred times and will say "yes" a hundred times more. Originally, I said "yes" because I hoped it meant He would spare my hopes and dreams, that if I proved my allegiance, He would provide a ram to sacrifice in their place. Now, I say "yes" because as wonderful as my hopes and dreams are, they don't own me anymore. This is freedom. I am full of praise in this moment because I know He loves me enough to not only set me free of my desire for the wrong things but also to set me free from my inordinate desire for the right things.

I have a job interview tomorrow. I don't really know what to expect, and that's ok. I don't even remember applying for this job, which makes me all the more curious about it. I'm praying that God will provide for my needs, give me a full time or almost full time counseling position (at least 30 hours a week), and enable me to obtain ample training and experience through the job opportunity.

I like happily-ever-afters. And I love the movie Ever After, because it does not just present a caricatured princess that goes from poverty to riches in one slide. Ever After shows a woman, who after experiencing loss, hardship, and rejection, comes out on the other side as strong as gold, though not as hard as steel--her strength is just as impressive as her gentleness and kindness. This is why I consider it my favorite movie. Her character development is one that I long for and pray for.

I want to be as wise as the serpent and as gentle and pure as the dove. I pray that I am aware of the pain and suffering in the world, even entering into it as the Lord calls me to. But I pray that it never hardens me. By the Lord's grace, may He be strong and gentle in me. May the gift of mercy continue to flow from my every pore. I will hug and comfort the brokenhearted and speak words of life into them. May the gift of prophecy also continue to grow in me, as He gives me appropriate words of truth to share with individuals and with the body.

I don't know anything about what is coming next, but I do think I am onto something with my inclination to "Just breathe".

*deep breath*

More to come.