Never Going to Be the Same Again

It does not take much to get me excited. There are many things that capture my fancy-good music, deep relationships, dancing, listening, laughing, and learning, to name a few. I tend to see the possibility that the future holds and believe that out of this vision, I speak to the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. I see God making all things new and seek to meet Him there. Not to dismiss suffering, of which I am so sensitive - it is simply such a sweet grace of God to give someone like me, who feels everything so deeply (a blessing and a curse), a vision so hopeful and beautiful, and even more so, to let me participate in His work of bringing the vision to life.

With all that said, I have been reflecting on my life and praying with an uncharacteristic soberness. I have experienced a dynamic shift within my soul and honestly believe that I am never going to be the same again. Something has happened recently that has jolted me out of a slumber and caused me to look at this past year with a new perspective. I have witnessed a miracle unlike anything I've ever seen before. One of my dearest friends Suzanne has swept out of my life as quickly and fully as she swept in. A month and a half ago, she was not called to the nations. I even remember arguing with her about the importance of international missions, as she charged that we are all sent (which is true) but not the point. Her point was that she did not see why there was a great deal of honor and attention given to those sent to the nations, even though this is clearly the movement of God's heart among us. And then a series of events fell into place - conversations with her closest friends, a "Don't Waste Your Life" sermon by John Piper, a joy in sharing the gospel, a love for diversity, a loosening of her hands on her possessions and worldly desires, and intimacy with the Spirit of the Lord. And before I knew it, she desired to sell everything she had to go to one of the darkest places on earth in India and share the gospel, to live and walk alongside the poor and destitute. And if that weren't jolting enough, just a couple of weeks after deciding this, she went. And I can attest to every confirmation from the Lord along the way - freeing her from her job (from which she had no reason to be let go), enabling her to get into the Iris mission school after the deadline had passed, and obtaining a 10 year visa to India in one day (when they were only giving visas out for life and death emergencies). These are just a few of the confirmations. 

Honestly, the above would affect me deeply apart from knowing Suzanne, but it affects me tremendously and so much more because I have walked closely with this woman - cried heavy tears, laughed with abandon, held hands, prayed with fervor, talked with gusto, and lived through many quiet, still moments. She is a kindred spirit - one whom I walked closely with for not quite a year and felt as if I knew her for a lifetime. I have known her faults, fears, and desires. I have battled with her and for her. And boy has she battled with and for me. She is a real person. And yet, I've never met anyone like her in all my life. She has had it all - everything the world would call valuable - money, status, and success. She was stripped of it all at one time in her life, and now, she has let it all go.  I have seen a humble (though fiery) woman with Jesus in her eyes. I have seen the Spirit of God take hold of her heart to the point that she really got it - she saw the gospel in all its beauty and fullness, saw the shortness of life, and saw so many souls that needed to hear. I'm writing this and crying. I really wish you could've known Suzanne like I know her. You would never be the same either. I love her so much because I see Jesus in her. Suzanne knows the worth of Jesus, and her life is the loudest sermon I've ever heard proclaiming his worth. It has been the sweetest grief to let her go - grief because I miss her so much as a special part of my life (one that I will cherish forever) and sweet because I believe in what she's doing and the God she's running with. I believe that He loves the people in India too much to keep her here, as much as I would selfishly want to do so.

The reason I'm recounting all this with such prayerful soberness is because I can't see all of this and look at my life in the ways I have been anymore. I'm still processing how this has changed me and the implications it holds for my future. I'm praying, walking forward, and trusting that God will show me. I lay my gifts, my life, my hopes and dreams at His feet, believing that He will make them worth so much more than I ever could clinging to them so tightly.

I have been given the blessed honor of walking with a modern day Amy Carmichael and feel the Lord's love for me in knitting me together with so beautiful a soul. I am beyond grateful and humbled and surrendered to Him. May He get half the glory in this little life that He has already received in hers. 

Praying for you, dear friend of my heart. Blessings all over your precious life.