Last week, I had the most beautiful words prayed over me by my friend Mary. I haven't been able to forget them - Lord, give her the ability to glean treasure in the dark and secret places. These words struck a chord in me. The fact that I'm alive today is a gift. The relationships I have - a gift. The suffering, the aching, the hope deferred - a gift. Yes, you heard me right. Those, too. I have realized that they are like a riddle that may never be solved but that promises to have a rhyme. I've determined that since life is but a breath, I will inhale as deeply as possible - that not one ounce of air will be wasted on me.
Several dear friends have challenged me as I walk through this uncertain time to praise the Lord. Not because I understand my circumstances or choose them, but because He is worthy and good. As I have done this, my eyes have opened to more and more treasure in the dark and secret places. Today, in the midst of an upset stomach, intermittent feelings of shame, and a parking citation - I had loving text messages and phone calls from dear friends. I had a whole hour to process clients with my wonderfully supportive supervisor. I had a job interview at an inpatient psychiatric hospital that actually looks promising (and too big for me - in a good, humbling way). I had a meeting with good friends who live to love and serve the Lord, challenging me. I had a "So You Think You Can Dance?" chill time with girlfriends, who truly care for me - no strings attached. You see what I mean? Treasure.
One of my favorite pieces of treasure as of late has been my experience as a counselor. I don't know how I get the honor to look into people's souls, hear their cries, hold their hands, pray over their shame, their fear, their grief, their confusion, and watch lights come on in their eyes as they stumble into truth and life. Sometimes I don't get to see this happen - and yet, I know not a word of truth spoken in love is ever wasted. But the times I do get to see it - and these have been multiplying - are the sweetest gifts to my soul. They make every.bit.of.the.ache. worth it. I am able to comfort because I have been comforted. I am being comforted, even in this moment. Why would I trade the moments that I get to feel the Lord's heart for a person in front of me, to see with His eyes, and to know that our present sufferings are not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us? No longer mere words to me. I have begged the Lord for wisdom and understanding - His answer, along with yes, has been "Go where I have walked, see what I have seen, take up your cross and follow me." I have seen too much goodness to turn back now.
When the lights go out and darkness falls all around you, it takes some time for your eyes to adjust. But once they do, you can see what really glows. It may not be what you think. For He uses the foolish things of the world to shame the wise and the weak things of the world to shame the strong. Look much more closely at what the world calls weak and foolish and you just might discover gold.
I have. And I'd like to share it with you.
Give thanks in all.circumstances.
No comments:
Post a Comment